Estate planning can be tricky enough without some of the other issues often associated with aging – the need for care, moving homes, declining mental capacity, or the death of a spouse. Elder mediation – a specialized form of mediation that goes beyond mediation training and experience to include issues specifically related to the elderly – now has a presence in Canada after gaining a strong foothold in the United States.

The elder mediation specialty recognizes that conflicts often come to the surface as parents age and key decisions – such as those relating to ongoing health care, estate planning, and the upkeep and use of assets like cottages and vacation homes – need to be made.

How would you and your family cope when an elder member of your family enters a transition stage? Two U.S. elder mediators have identified four categories of families in how they handle a major elder transition:

• Graceful transitions – the family successfully manages old age and its transitions through targeted planning and effective communication, along with good legal and financial advice. Even as elders experience their inevitable physical decline, family members manage this process with dignity and respect.
• Successful struggles – the family has one or two major issues to work through but manages to come to a positive outcome with the support of friends, family and advisors.
• Quietly bruised – the family may be unable to move forward with important decisions and are living with situations that leave an aging parent in peril and increase emotional, financial and safety risks. There is often a sense of discomfort with choices made, and there may be disagreements festering under the surface about care giving, housing or inheritance decisions.
• Litigious – things have gone from bad to worse, and there is either the threat of litigation or actual litigation required to get decisions made. Wounds abound, and relationships are often destroyed forever between some family members.

You can find the full article here: http://www.mediationinstitute.net/training/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/MediationinEstatePlanningandElderCare.pdf

Elder mediation isn’t required in most family situations, but if either of the last two categories of family seem familiar, it’s a process well worth considering. Family Mediation Canada has more information on elder mediation in this country: http://www.fmc.ca/elder-mediation

Thank you for reading!
Ian Hull