Whenever I explain estate litigation to friends, I often get the following response: “Can’t the family members work it out amongst themselves? Surely they could come to an agreement beforehand.” My reply is always essentially the same: “If only it was that easy”. 

Discussing one’s end-of-life Estate plans with family members and/or beneficiaries and named executors is, understandably, a difficult conversation to have. However, further to the initial thoughts of my various friends, it can help prevent unpleasant disputes that may arise down the road.

The data suggests that these discussions are not taking place often enough: a recent poll conducted by Angus Reid revealed that two-thirds of Canadians don’t know the end-of-life wishes of their spouse and 57% don’t know the end-of-life wishes for any of their loved ones. Meanwhile, around two-fifths of Canadians have witnessed family disputes following the death of a loved one, with around one in ten being directly involved in such a dispute.

The first step, whether it’s your Estate or your family member’s Estate, is to arrange the conversation. This is often a difficult step to take, and it’s normal to feel nervous or uneasy about approaching the topic.

When deciding how to go about these meetings, it’s worth considering the following questions:

What’s the best forum? Virtual video meetings or conference calls are popular options (and may be the only options if the family is spread out geographically), but some may prefer having these discussions in-person. 

Should the discussion be limited to family members and/or beneficiaries and named executors only? Neutral professionals are available to act as mediators for difficult family discussions.  

What’s the best way to open the conversation? When taking the brave first step of arranging the meeting, one may want to open with the following thoughts:

• Share a story about a friend or family member (or public figure) who didn’t carefully plan their Estate or make their testamentary intentions known in advance, and the uncertainty it caused after their death;

• Remind people that the conversation is not only about inheritance, but rather the larger decision-making process that will inevitably take place after one’s death;

• Emphasize that having a clear and agreeable plan in place can reduce time, energy and costs during the grieving process;

• That the purpose of the conversation is to benefit the family as a whole, and not just certain individuals; and

• If the subject is someone else’s Estate plan, highlight that they can control their own legacy rather than having others define their legacy for them.

As a closing thought, it’s best to keep in mind that each family is different, and for many, family-wide meetings to discuss difficult topics are not commonplace. They can often create problems rather than resolve them, so the decision to even have these meetings is best assessed on a case-by-case basis, and preceded by a careful consideration of the family dynamics at play.

Thank you for reading and have a great day.

James

Sources

“How To Talk About Wills: Guide to Discussing End-Of-Life Wishes With Family”, Willful, online.

Julie Cazzin and Ed Olkovich, “FP Answers: Should I review my will beforehand with beneficiaries and all others involved?”, Financial Post (13 October 2023), online.