As estate litigation lawyers, navigating high-conflict situations is an inherent part of our practice. When navigating complex family dynamics, we often find ourselves at the centre of emotionally charged situations. Understanding how to effectively respond to high-conflict personalities is critical.
In his book “BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns”, Bill Eddy, a lawyer, family mediator, and expert in high-conflict personalities, provides a comprehensive framework for responding to these situations.
Eddy describes what he calls “High conflict individuals” or (HCIs). These individuals often respond to situations by blaming others and exhibit all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviours. HCIs thrive on conflict and chaos, frequently derailing discussions with irrelevant arguments and unnecessary acrimony.
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. When responding to high-conflict communications, the BIFF framework allows you to keep your messages concise, fact-based, respectful, and assertive. This not only minimizes the potential for escalation but also helps maintain a professional tone.
After drafting a response in a high-conflict situation, the BIFF framework advises you to ask yourself the following questions:
- Is my response brief? The response should be as short as possible while still providing the necessary information. This is often a paragraph.
- Is my response informative? Avoid unnecessary emotions, opinions, or arguments. Stick to the facts.
- Is my response friendly? A warm greeting and closing sets the right tone and shows good self-restraint.
- Is my response firm? The response should ideally end the discussion rather than fuel further hostility, or provide a clear expectation of what further information you require and by when.
When in doubt, Eddy recommends running your BIFF response by a trusted colleague. This helps to ensure you are striking the right tone.
As lawyers, our objective is to achieve favourable outcomes for our clients through strategic negotiation or litigation. By utilizing BIFF responses to steer communications back to the core issues and focusing on practical solutions, we can mitigate the impact of high conflict dynamics.
For anyone looking for strategies to respond in high-conflict situations, I highly recommend reading “BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns”, which provides a detailed framework for implementing BIFF responses, and includes dozens of practical examples.
Thanks for reading.